How are your insides?

I like to ask this question with some of my closest friends. It gets to the point. Where is your heart? Are you filled with joy, sorrow, frustration? 

Sometimes I find myself asking this to everyone, but myself. So with the season of Fall--a busy season for both Bryan and I, I would love to tell you how my insides are. 

I'm in my last semester of undergrad, graduating with a degree in Psychology. This almost means nothing. With Psychology you need a master for your degree to mean anything. 

{on a side note: I went to the career center and looked at potential jobs for someone with a B.S. in Psych. I could be a manager, a waitress, a salesperson, a writer, on and on... Basically, all things I could have been without a degree. Great. Waitress. Really?} 

For someone that feels like school is lackluster to say the least, the thought of graduate school is overwhelming. Nonetheless I am considering it. But that is for a later post. 

I am anxious as I approach the "real world". Everyone around me has their future wrapped up into one word. For example, "farmer", "doctor", "psychologist", etc., etc... I have learned that's not me and I am trying to come to terms with that. I have never lacked ambition. There are so many things I want to do, but I was always looking for my one word future.

I mean how do you put all these interests into one career?

helping at risk children, sustainable agriculture, actively fighting racism, non-profit administration,  fund raising, organizing, biblical economics, horseback riding, empowerment, organizational psychology, holistic living, birthday bashes, reconstructing furniture, photography, taking in as many kids as possible, Biblical history, a house full of people, preserving culture, interior decorating, conflict resolution between and within countries, growing my own food and flowers, loving all things vintage and pretty and cheap, connecting the 1st world with the 3rd, making things from scratch, event planning, and fighting injustices.

I also wouldn't mind learning some wood working skills. Always thought it would be awesome to be a cabinet maker...

See! I am a mess of possibilities! 

My insides use to be in a constant state of turmoil because I just wanted my one word. I thought life would be better and simpler and more meaningful.  But God has been working on my heart. He has stretched me to see in this season of my life that just because I don't have my future figured out doesn't mean I am of no use. He has made me and designed me with these passions. I have purpose and will continue to be of value even if I don't single it down to a one word job. Because of this, I am in a season of peace and gratitude.

Realizing this {and re-realizing because I constantly forget} has opened me up to dream bigger than I have before. 

So what now, Sam? I've got some ideas, but like I said before, that's for a future post. Right now, I will finish my last semester out strong knowing that I have purpose and I have lots to offer this world. And so do you...just in case you forgot.

Much love,

Sam